Let me introduce you to ED...

For the past few years I have been acquainted with a friend who is known to me as ED.

ED came to me in a time of stress, and appears most prominently in my life when I am run down, tired or miserable. I'm sure most of you are thinking... what's wrong with that? Those are the times when you most need a friend?
And you are right, but ED is far from the ideal candidate.

For my friend ED, is nothing more than a voice in my head. In the beginning, ED gave me the energy to strive to make changes. ED drove me to the gym daily, and reminded me of the goals that I wanted to achieve. ED was a fantastic driver, until he totally took over the steering wheel.

ED taught me about calorie counting and the need for calorific deficits. ED reminded me that fat-free and sugar-free were the only way to go. ED told me that constant dieting and calorie restricting were the most important things to maintain weight-loss goals. ED was never happy unless he saw the numbers on the scales going down daily.

ED was always with me - every action I ever made was guided by a featureless figure that constantly had his eye over my shoulder.

You can't eat unless you feel that hunger pain...

You'll never be allowed to eat that...

You don't deserve to eat that either...

ED made me purge, as I fell into the grips of Bulimia. ED taught me about laxatives, and I believed that abusing them was a grand idea. I'd skip meals and punish myself by over-exercising. ED reminded me daily how fat he thought I was. I pinched and pulled at any loose skin I could find, believing that it was fat that needed to be removed... ED would never be happy unless he saw bones. ED stripped me of my worth, my happiness and ultimately a bit of myself. I dropped 10kg in the space of 4months. I constantly felt faint and on the verge of passing out

In January 2016, I couldn't stand ED anymore and I knew that I needed to make a stand. I saw a doctor and was diagnosed with an Active Eating Disorder, my brain punished myself with Anorexic thoughts whilst I displayed traits of purging similar to Bulimia. Seeing a doctor and having the support of friends saved my life, as I took back the drivers wheel...

ED still rear his ugly head from time to time, but now I have the strength to say no...
ED is always with me, but ED no longer has power over me...

If this piece has resonated with you, then please seek professional help. You are never alone with ED, just take the power away from him.