Tips for getting over that Break-up
Many many years of thought and practice have gone into this post, and it is by no means suitable for everyone. And also by no means complete, as I too have much more to learn on my journey.
We all, and I am generalising here; have gone through shitty breakups. Relationships are sometimes some of the hardest things we undertake, and I am definitely not one to believe in soul-mates.
If there is any advice that you take from this post - please let it be this...
'Great relationships require effort, in the form of compromise from both parties involved'
THINGS TO DO
*Cut the contact - Do not perpetuate the pain. Block and delete their contacts where possible - Facebook, phone number, Instagram (we are all so damn accessible these days). You do not need any more emotional triggers at this time; the longer you hang on the longer your pain lasts
*Cry... literally! Let all those emotions out, you are aloud to grieve for your loss. It is important to go through the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then finally acceptance. Don't try to be tough and bury all those emotions deep down, it will only cause you more pain in the long run.
*Invest in quality time with good friends and family. They will remind you of your worth, even when you cant see/feel it at the current time. Call up your friends (avoid the ones that are mutual with your ex), watch movies, eat junk food, and do all of the good things! Don't be afraid to be pathetic around your loved ones, they wont judge you so be as messy as you need.
*Get some fresh air, work through your issues. Channel some of that energy into things that you love to do. Listen to some music, write some poetry, take up a new hobby; even start seeing a therapist - they might be able to help you find the closure that you need.
We are unable to alter events in the past, but you can learn from your mistakes
*Exercise, begin to feel those endorphin's flowing through your veins. I found that joining the gym was the most liberating thing I ever did post-breakup. Not only do you get fitter and healthier, but you can found new friendships through common interest.
*Go out on dates, explore the possibilities. But be patient, stop blaming yourself, we are human and all have our own flaws! You know you deserve better... dont settle until you find that
DO NOT -
*Dont have break up sex - even after months of not seeing each other. You have history dammit... and you will tap back into that pain. Cursed Oxytocin will work its wonders on your brain and you'll be straight back at stage 1.
*Talk badly about your ex to their family or people that you know that they are friends with. This only shows that you are struggling to deal with your loss, and are trying to play the victim game. That never looks good on anyone.
*Have rebound sex or try to move on too quickly. Well, have sex yes! But please dont get caught up in it. Back to the last point in the previous section; Do not settle until you find what you deserve and until you have sorted out your head.
*Don't hit the drugs and alcohol hard - you are just trying to avoid dealing with your emotions. Be patient; all brilliant things take time.
To reiterate -
'Great relationships require effort, in the form of compromise from both parties involved'
Peace, love and all the happiness in the world
Sarah xx
